It's 11:21 PM and I need sleep more than anything right now. Last night, I slept for two hours int he ceramics studio before security woke me up and said I can't sleep there because it's a liability. I used to do it all the time last semester and no one gave a shit. The night before, I didn't sleep at all but I got a half hour of shut eye on my floor because I let my friend sleep in my bed all day. Not that I'm complaining about her.

So I'm exhausted and heartbroken.

Nothing happened-is happening. I like him a lot but I guess I lost that... need to make a effort and am falling back into my ways of just not trying or caring too much. He's beautiful and I just want to tell him but that would only be incredibly awkward. Sometimes when it's just me and him, he looks at me and asks me what I'm thinking and I don't think I ever tell him the truth. When I'm around him, I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel too young, too ugly, too fat, too imperfect for him. I look in the mirror and see everything he does not want every morning before I go to school. When I'm around him, I feel like a little girl crushing on one of the big kids. He used to make me feel great about myself and I don't know why and I don't know why it changed.

It was First Friday and I brought a friend with me and introduced to all my school friends and I seemed to get weird looks from everyone. They gave me that "OMG is this your boyfriend?" look. Too bad he's dating another guy. Haha. It's cool though and I did have fun so that's all that matters. But the guy I like also was a little weird when I introduced him or maybe I'm just imagining things.

I just want something to happen. Maybe something bad. Or good. Good is good. I just don't want to be in limbo anymore. I need to find out something but I don't want to make things weird so I don't want to find out. I already know he'll probably never like me since he already likes someone else.

Oh how I hate being in serious like. Smack me, please!